


Vessel

by Kyrene3



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s04e20 The Rapture, Episode: s07e01 Meet the New Boss, Gen, POV Second Person, Prequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-06
Updated: 2013-06-06
Packaged: 2017-12-14 04:20:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/832679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyrene3/pseuds/Kyrene3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"At first, you love him."</p><p>A look at Claire throughout the years and her thoughts on Castiel's time as "God".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vessel

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel to a Claire/Emma fic I'm working on.
> 
> Thank you so much to Melissa and averygreenapple for checking this over. Also, subjecttochange8 for crazy getting me excited to write it.

At first, you love him.  
  
He is everything your father has ever promised you of Heaven, he promises you protection and a way to save your family.  
  
He is celestial light which fills you up from the inside and there is power and ecstasy and goodness.  
  
( _full to the brim with righteous intent that you will follow and run towards and dream about and will change you forever_ ).  
  
Then he is gone.  
  
He takes your father with him.  
  
No time for goodbyes, no backward glance, gone.  
  
Again.  
  
It’s then that the feeling begins. Something very different from love, but very similar in its strength.  
  
( _dark and angry that sits like a pit in your heart and begins to fester, waiting, waiting, waiting_ )  
  
It’s crushed by all the love that still remains. By a memory so far away now, one you continue to dream about night after night, of riding a comic through time and space and Heaven.  
  
This feeling is also crushed by the promise of your father’s return. A hero, who has saved the world and his family by simply saying “yes.” ( _just like you, chosen vessels who would lend their bodies in order to save the world_ ).  
  
And yet, the months inch by until one day a year has passed. ( _A year of waiting, more time without…daddy_ ).  
  
After your father left ( _was taken_ ) you had begun to pay attention to the strange happenings going on throughout the world. The omens, the tragedies. Until one day, they just stop.  
  
You start to assume Castiel has died, taking your father with him.  
  
That feeling starts to grow ( _blind rage that leaves desks overturned and rips sheet by sheet out of the lying holy book that your father once had you worship_ ) you continue to love instead. You knew this was a possibility.  
  
You continue to believe that everything was done for the greater good, you have faith.

( _tape for the sheets from the bible you ripped apart as you clench it to your chest and pray please I’m sorry, so sorry I didn’t mean to please, please just give him back, **give him back**_ )  
  
And perhaps, that faith even allows for the possibility of your father’s unlikely return, one day. God is great, you have learned, perhaps he would choose this time to reward his followers.  
  
Your mother has stopped thinking about it altogether, had declared her husband dead when it became clear he would not be returning. She will not speak of angels and demons, usually informing people that Jimmy Novak died in a war.  
  
( _please Claire it’s time to move on, he’s gone now and I’m so so sorry but I’m here I’m here and I love you please_ ).  
  
Amelia moves on.  
  
You have a harder time of it.  
  
Four years roll by and you still haven’t moved on.  
  
( _your tears are quieter now, only your pillow knows because there is no therapist you can talk to no matter how much your mother tries so you pretend and allow her the happiness she deserves because it isn’t her fault and you **love** and **need** to protect your mother as you couldn’t your father_ ).  
  
The Supernatural series is hidden under your bed, away from the eyes of your mother who trusts you enough to never search your room. ( _she no longer wishes to, you play your part well_ ) Not that she could prove anything, a silly series about two brothers by some man named Carver Edlund. You stumbled over them in your research; you wonder what the story is behind the man who wrote them.  
  
Although, the books aren’t the only thing you found when searching for Sam and Dean.  
  
You have news stories saved about the notorious Dean Winchester, murderer and psychopath who travels with his sadist younger brother Sam. You know that this isn’t actually true of them, ( _saved you but not him, **relief** when your father became angel and was no longer your father anymore because the angel seemed to be their **friend**_ ) but you keep it anyway.  
  
You put an alert on them just in case. Just in case there is any word of another.  
  
Not your father.  
  
( _dead dead he has to be dead_ )  
  
Just his body.  
  
A strange being in a stolen body.  
  
( _no longer chosen anymore, stolen. no longer celestial, strange._ )  
  
Sometimes, you fear what will happen if you do find him. The apocalypse is over, his duty is done.  
  
( _you know he’s here you can feel it, feel him_ )  
  
Then one day, that fear starts to become reality.  
  
A preacher is murdered by what the parishioners believe to be “God”. Their experiences are null and uninteresting, but their descriptions of this God are….  
  
( _you know. you know you know you know_ )  
  
And then they show an image of one of the stained glass windows which had suddenly been altered….  
  
( _for the first time in years everything stops, blissful silence in your body and mind_ )  
  
….it’s the first time you see your father in years and you find yourself crying in front of your computer screen.  
  
( _you don’t throw it off the desk, smash it to pieces as you wish you could…_ )

You skip school for a few days, feigning sick. You’re a good student, your mother doesn’t mind.

( _sick to the stomach, sick in the mind, obsessed_ )

You sift through article after article; you search high and low for anything. You reread the Supernatural series and any articles that you’d saved throughout the years that hinted at Winchester.

In the end, they’re the key.

( _always back to the Winchesters, the ones who will exorcise demons but work with angels as though they’re any different, stealing loved ones from their families_ )

You don’t sleep much, and you barely eat.

Just one thought continues to run through your mind and there is no time for anything else other than find him.

( _for you daddy for you_ )

When you do, you wish you hadn’t.

The “god” appeared again at the office of a woman campaigning to be a senator.

No one is left alive.

( _slaughter, bloody and grotesque_ )

But there is a video. A small clip. Just a few seconds.

Your mouse hovers over it.

You know before you click play that this will be a turning point.

No longer will you be running on blind faith, following false leads and waiting waiting always waiting.

No longer will you be able to simply sit behind a computer, researching but never venturing out, safe at home.

This will change everything.

It doesn’t matter.

( _you need to know_ )

The video plays.

You stare at what was once your father’s face and instead of his warm and welcoming gaze there is only cold dead eyes which are cruel and…evil.

You watch as this thing that stole your father’s body laughs and laughs a terrible and cruel mockery of what was once the star of so many warm memories…

You watch this video again and again until you are finally able to put a label on the feeling which has grown and festered within you for four years.

Hate.

Pure and strong and entirely absent of any love that you once felt for the creature that you once so strongly believed to be good.

( _this thing that was once **inside** of you_ )

A vessel to the angel Castiel.

There was once a time when this made you feel blessed.

Now you simply feel violation.

( _wrong, used, tainted in some profound way_ )

Your hope and faith are lost.

( _your dreams are no longer bright but nightmares where a comet comes and destroys, only ever able to destroy_ )

Your father is gone.

But the angel….Castiel, he’s still there. Still in your father’s body.

Like a demon, worse.

So, you dry your tears; allow that last bit of misguided love to leave your body ( _like a weight has been lifted_ ).

For the first time in years, you find purpose.

Four years ago in a warehouse with demons, angels, and hunters, a man gave up his life to liberate his daughter’s body, save her from enslavement by an angel.

It’s time to return the favor.

**Author's Note:**

> Emma's story to follow.


End file.
